Nice Guy Mistakes – Why Sending Her Flowers At Work is a BAD IDEA

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Have you ever been in a position where you really liked a girl, so you made a “move”, but then she became distant afterwards?

When you really like a girl and you start developing an intense crush for her, you feel like you have to do something about it.

It would happen to me… I would get huge crushes on girls back in my college days… and I kept falling into the line of thinking that I had to make a big bold romantic move to reveal my feelings for her and win her over.

But this would never work.

And that’s why one of the big nice guy mistakes is sending a girl flowers at work, or buying her some sort of gift.

I see this happen over and over again.

A coaching student will say “yeah I sent her flowers at work” and she kinda got weird after it.

Or they will say “I helped her pay her rent” or “I paid for her mortgage” or “I bought her this pocketbook she wanted”…

…and doing this will almost always give her this FEELING, that something is “off.”

She doesn’t know what it is… but her attraction for you in that moment dissipates… A LOT.

And it’s understandable. Guys logically think “I like this girl and I like getting gifts… so if I give her a gift, she’ll probably like it, and she’s going to associate those good feelings with me.”

But unfortunately with dating, attraction doesn’t work like that.

The crazy part of it all is that mainstream dating advice from the movies is what really ruins us.

For example, the movie “Say Anything” with John Cusack can really screw with our brain.

See, there’s a scene in that movie where the John Cusack character wants to impress the girl he likes… so he stands outside her bedroom window with a jukebox playing her favorite song.

In the movie, this bold romantic move is what won her over!

But if you follow this in real life, you will be disappointed.

So if you’re thinking about making a similar kind of “move” on a girl, don’t do it.

Instead, you have to change the way you think about the idea of “making a girl like you”.

To make a girl like you, it all comes down to the ability to attract her.

You have to TRIGGER ATTRACTION in her.

Most men don’t  get this. They don’t understand attraction so they make nice guy mistakes like sending her flowers at work.

Now, to trigger attraction, you don’t have to be rich, or even be good looking — I mean those things might give you a big head start…

But if you don’t have those qualities, it shouldn’t be an excuse to not attract women… because attraction comes out of somewhere else…

See, there’s a thing called “status” (and not monetary status or “class” status”)… but a kind of status that purely comes out of the way you interact with the woman in that very moment.

You communicate this status with the way you carry yourself with a girl, and the overall frame you give to the interaction between you and the woman.

And here’s the thing: You don’t want to establish the frame that you are “below her” in status.

See, status is a quality that ultimately stems from one thing: The way you THINK

When a “nice guy” tries to get a girl a gift to attract her, what he thinks is:

“I’m not good enough for this woman with my lame-ass status, so I’ll give her a gift to make up for it”

He THINKS he is below the girl in status, so feels he has to COMPENSATE by giving her material things.

Don’t get me wrong, buying gifts and sending flowers can be great, IF you already have attraction. But they are not what CREATES the attraction.

You create it with subtle behaviors that imply you’re either in equal footing as her in status, or slightly “above her” in status.

Are you giving her all the power and trying to prove yourself to her, or is she the one chasing you?

Do you communicate you have a life and other women in your life… or is she getting texts from you every 5 minutes implying that she is all you have going for you?

Does the tone of the interaction sound like she is the one making you “qualify” yourself to win her over (is she making you jump through hoops)… or is she the one trying to impress you and you’re doing little things to make her jump through hoops?

If there’s a girl you interact with, and she’s doing all these things that subtly imply that she’s “above you”… it’s usually because you’re subtly implying that she’s more important than you.

The key to creating attraction in this girl is to “flip it around” and start doing things that imply you’re slightly “above her”. Start valuing yourself and affirm that you are important.

Once you do, you’ll start behaving in a way that subtly implies she’s the one who has to impress you.